Personal Stuff, Random, The First Drop, Writing

Anxiety Attack In Blog Form

I posted last week about finishing The First Drop. I’ve heard back from a few people who read the revised story (or parts of it) and I’m getting a lot of good comments. I have my agent spreadsheet ready to go – full of individuals who represent contemproray YA novels, who have mentioned they’re looking for something that feels a lot like TFD to me. My query letter feels really good, too.

And yet, I’m torn with indecision about actually sending the letter and sample pages out. Is TFD the best it can be? What if every agent I sent it to hates it? What if I suck? Why am I doing this writing thing again?

My heart is currently racing…just thinking about all of this. I’m going to die of a heart attack before I can even get the guts up to send a query out. Am I the only one who is going through this or has gone through this? Did everyone else feel these palpitations when typing a name in the to field on a query letter?

I WANT to do this. I WANT to get published. But THE FEAR. It’s holding me hostage. Is this a sign that TFD isn’t ready? Or just something I have to suck up and get over. GAH. I don’t know.

I’ll let you in on a little secret about me: I hate talking to people I don’t know on the phone. Like, it’s a legit phobia. I memorized my library’s hours growing up after my Dad asked me to call. I can STILL repeat their hours to you more than 15 years later. I make Brett call the Dr for all the kids things and appointments. It was an unspoken rule when we got married. He makes the calls, I stay sane (well, mostly. Okay, not really, but junewhatevs.)

And, if an agent wants to offer representation…THEY CALL YOU. Everyone in publishing mentions THE CALL.
People talk about what they were doing when they got THE CALL. My story (should I ever actually send a query out and get an agent) will involve having a panic attack at the thought of actually answering my phone to a number not already programed into my contacts.

I’m such a basket case. I swear.

My heart is telling me to query, to give TFD and its two cherished main characters a chance at shelf space at B&N. I just have to get past my fear and anxiety. Anyone have an easy way to do that? Anyone????


2 thoughts on “Anxiety Attack In Blog Form”

  1. I totally understand what you mean about phone phobia! I hate talking to people on the phone. If I know them, it’s fine, but I’d rather either talk to them face-to-face or text them. But a stranger? Or worse — an agent? Ah!

    I don’t think being scared makes TFD not ready. It’s a response a lot of writer’s have when they are finally ready to query and it’s just around the corner. I never really felt this way, but I try not to get to emotionally attached to the querying process (which is surprisingly easy for me to do, for that I’m thankful).

    I think of it like this: if an agent hates it (which they probably wouldn’t, they’d probably just not feel it’s right for them) then they aren’t the right agent for you. Every time you get a rejection, just send out a new one. Quite a few writers I know have a “process” they use. They do something that relaxes them after they get a rejection so they don’t get too hung up on it. A friend of mine does yoga for fifteen minutes. I write more.

    This isn’t going to be too terribly helpful, but: think positively. Don’t think that the agent is going to reject you when you send the query. Positive thinking and determination are the keys to getting published 🙂

    You’ll do great, Jennie.

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